Saturday, January 25, 2014
Ava June is one month old today! She is still incredibly sweet and makes plenty of newborn sounds - the snorts, squeaks and adorable hiccup sound at the end of each cry. Her eyes can focus on us more, but no smiles out of her yet. She still scratches her own face occasionally but not as often now. She still hates diaper changes and it's the one thing that makes her cry predictably. Her sleep schedule is getting better and we usually get one 4-5 hour block each night, but at this point are feeling pretty exhausted.
The adjustment to three kids has been interesting. The adjustment from one to two kids was more dramatic for me and the adjustment from two to three has simply been more of the same…to the point that I've relented a lot of control. My biggest sentiment has been "things just got real." Do I really value people more than things (my children more than every single object in our home)? Am I really okay with a "real" body instead of longing for a celebrity sized one? Can I really put my kids feelings first and be empathetic? Am I really able to accept help when I need it? Can I really ask for help when I need it? Am I okay with others knowing I'm not perfect? Am I really okay with others knowing how imperfect I am? These are all things I've had to ask myself over the last month.
In some ways, I feel like I'm making a lot of progress on these fronts simply because I'm now to the point that I know I need help and I'm more accepting of myself being imperfect. It's a good feeling to be compassionate with myself and be willing to let some things go. I had this thought not too long ago as I could hear my little girls being destructive in the other room as I nursed the baby "Even if every object we own is completely destroyed by the end of this (meaning life, or at least the next 18 years), at least we'll still have each other and we'll still love each other, and if that can happen, that's all I care about!" That thought was very freeing - that everything around me doesn't matter except the people around me. They are all that really does.
This is our journey, and we're still on it!