I've never had an inborn desire to be a mom. I remember lessons at church about how motherhood was a divine mission, one of the holiest callings on this earth. I didn't get it. I didn't feel that way. I didn't get warm fuzzies thinking about my future children and how much I wanted to be their mother.
When it came time for me to seriously consider motherhood, I was afraid. I can't say that I truly wanted to have children. I didn't think of children as precious and cute; I thought of them as annoying and germ ridden. I took the leap of faith to have my first child with my husband because we wanted a family together, and I was willing to take that step. Motherhood didn't come naturally to me. I didn't know how to care and be on call for a child 24 hours a day. I didn't know how to give my life to being a mother, and it didn't seem like an exciting or fulfilling life. I also didn't like being home all day. It felt like a prison. I know what it feels like to struggle and anguish over staying home with kids.
One thing is certain. I completely fell in love with my children and the breathtaking beauty and uniqueness of their souls. My children are who have taught me about motherhood. Understanding their eternal nature in a deep and impenetrable place in my heart, has made my decision to put them first worth it. Even if I only knew that these children would be the next generation of adults, it would be enough for me. I've found that as I let go of my ideas of what I thought was fulfilling and focussed on my kids, my life became fulfilling all on its own. It's come from being swallowed up in loving and serving my family and others before myself, and I believe it's a deeper fulfillment than I ever could have hoped for by taking the path I would have designed for myself.
I often seek council from individuals I sense have achieved the success that I desperately desire - to be truly happy with a life well lived. I've gleaned that successful women don't regret having not developed a career, but stand in awe and gratitude for Heavenly Father having guided their lives to become something more exquisite than they ever could have imagined on their own. These women inspire me. Women are strong because we are women, and we know what we do is beautiful.
Telling my story for what it is doesn't minimize others. Speaking up for what I believe doesn't mean I'm judging. I don't advocate judging or belittling anyone for thinking differently. It shouldn't threaten others that I emphatically declare that I believe the counsel in The Family: A Proclamation to the World is Divinely inspired, and I make no excuses for it.
7 comments:
Jodi! You are truly an incredible woman! An excellent example of someone who may have a challenging time with a principle and acts in faith to follow it and then gains a testimony of it! That's how it works! "We receive no witness until AFTER the trial of our faith." I'm so sure every person at some point in their life has to go through that, whether they struggle with feeling equal in the church, with the role they were called to, a doctrine that may be particularly hard to them, I would definitely put those who struggle with homosexuality in this category as well. It all comes down to the choices we make. You chose to follow the council, it was hard, but you preserve erred, and now you reap the rewards! I will always echo you, but from a full time care taker's perspective, I can really echo your thoughts that absolutely no one can take care of your kids the way you do. There are just no exceptions to that rule. No one will ever have a mothers bond with your children, only you get the opportunity to teach and mold your children that comes with the responsibility of having that sacred mother children bond. Bravo to you! I admire you as a mother and homemaker so much! I definitely share your views as you know! I'm also impressed with your willingness to share how you feel. I've often wondered what ways I could do that better. I write my blogs, but I never publish them to facebook because I'm afraid what I have to say will hurt someone, but I feel that I should be able to stand up for what I believe just as much as those that disagree with me do...I feel validated by what the Lord has spoken through His Prophets for years, and I feel quite passionately about these specific points of doctrine. I must say, I feel sad for those who struggle with motherhood, I feel sad for them for what they choose to give up with their children, but I really feel sad for their children, and what they miss out on. I see the effects of mothers working on children and I see the effects on society. It's sad, but I find your story incredibly uplifting and hopeful for the future of this world! Thanks for being who you are Jodi! And standing up for what you believe in!
And that, my dear Jodi, is what it is all about! I am so grateful for the strong woman you are and the very matter of fact way you express it!
I admire you so much, Jodi, I really do. You are a kind, gentle loving person. I am grateful I have gotten to know you and your family. I am grateful for the service you so willingly give to our ward both in your calling and in supporting your husband in his calling. I am excited to have found your blog and have it be on my list of blogs to read. :)
great post Jodi! i like that you're honest about not wanting to be a mother at first and that it's not all roses..you're awesome! and you're kids are so lucky!
I just found your blog after finding Lindsay's tonight and wow, I could have written this post myself. In fact, I have written a similar post myself!! I LOVE finding other women out there who have had this same struggle. Some women who end up having lots of kids (like 10!) have had this struggle, but face it head on and end up loving motherhood! I'm so impressed by them. Just the other day, I was dancing around the kitchen with my #4 who's 9 mos. old and thought, wow, I'm actually starting to like this after 10 years (my oldest is 10). I'll get there. I'll get there. Nice to meet you!
(OK, my oldest isn't 10, he's 9!! Yeah, I should go to bed).
I think this is a great example of doing what the Lord wants us to do no matter how much we don't want to just to find out that He knew what He was talking about and really does have our best interests at heart!
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