I am a Homemaker

I have diverse feelings about being a stay at home mother.  Some days I feel I won't make it any longer.  I feel overwhelmed and under-rewarded.  Then there are the moments that the Spirit testifies to the deepest parts of my soul that what I am doing is God's work.  I stay home so that I can make my home a better place.  I am a home-maker.  I stay home so that I can love my children full-time.  I comfort them, have joy with them, and teach them things that I feel are important.  Beyond that, my time at home is spent planning and preparing healthy meals for my family.  This helps all of us feel better and be happy.  My time at home is spent cleaning.  This can seem so mundane but it makes the biggest difference.  Our family interactions are immeasurably improved by a clean home.  I may be able to work enough to pay for a full-time maid, full-time cook and full-time babysitter but the benefits of doing it myself cannot be calculated.  I teach skills to my children.  I bond with Jaime over cooking together, learning to clean up her messes and becoming a responsible person.  The quantity of time spend with her gives her a piece of me, which cannot be bought.  I make my home what I want it to be so that my family can be what I want it to be.  I want my family to feel happy and healthy.  I work hard to create a learning and growing environment.  I am here at the cross-roads for each member of my family.  I want our relationships to grow stronger and my children to become competent, confident adults.

I have those moments when I think it is just too hard.  After all, I didn't sign up for this, right?  Oh wait...yes, yes I did sign up for this.  Time to pick myself up and learn to serve more selflessly.  I have learned that raising children the way they should be raised is the surest way to become more selfless. I now know how hard it is to deal with a never-ending tantrum while never relenting firm and kind correction.  How hard it is to have never-ending patience with someone who hits, kicks, yells and disrespects.  It is hard, and I fail.  Too much.  I have had times in my life where I've felt spiritual growing pains, and ever since I became a mother I don't feel like those growing pains have ever stopped.  Scriptures and counsels have taken on new meaning:

"...bless them that curse you...pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you" (Matthew 5:44)

"...lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees" (Hebrews 12:12)

"...mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort" (Mosiah 18:9)
"...clothe the naked, and to feed the hungry...and administer relief to the sick and the afflicted" (Jacob 2:19)
"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God...and if it so be that you should labor all your days...how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me!" (D&C 18:10-16)

"increase faith and personal righteousness, strengthen families and homes, and seek out and help those in need" (the 3 purposes of Relief Society)

Sometimes I wish I was available to serve other people more.  I can't drop everything and go help someone, and sometimes can't manage to cook a meal for someone else when they need it.  It has taken me too long to realize that home is where I am needed most.  Being a disciple of Christ means filling our lives with service.  What more is being a mother than a life full of service?  It's about the best description of being a mother I've ever heard - feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, comforting, and teaching principles of happiness which are the principles of the gospel.

When I get tired, run-down and fed-up I remember that I chose this.  I chose to have children and with that I took on the responsibility to raise them and teach them the very best I am able.  After all, I was a child once.  I drove my mother crazy, threw fits, defied and disrespected.  The truth is, we all still do that in grown up situations.  We make mistakes, slip up, and sometimes choose the wrong.  How do I want to be treated when I behave this way?  Love.  Firmness.  Kindness.  With principles of truth.  As parents, we will produce adults that reflect our lives and actions as parents.  We will shape them.

I am home with my children because I am building people.  I am home with them because they deserve my very best.  They are God's children just like I am His child.  Funny how giving my all to others without resentment and selfishness ends up creating the best version of myself too.  The Plan of Salvation is all about families.